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I hate Disneyland – 12 things I hate about the happiest place on Earth

In honor of the recent List Ranker "target =" _blank "href = "Http://www.ranker.com/list/disney-buys-marvel–our-10-worst-fears-and-wildest-dreams-/william-bibbiani"> Marvel acquired by Disney, this is what now I hate Disneyland. Maybe improve information superheroes.

Back in the day, a visionary named Walt Disney created Disneyland. I did not know what a pain in the ass has become. While our parents told us stories dealing with electronic tickets, mule trains and $ 5 entry, we have a more bitter than the park has become reality.

Beginning with Michael Eisner and continues with the powers that be, this park is not the happiest on earth. It is not even second joy. It is now the most expensive place on earth. If you decide to go out with Mickey and Minnie, are prepared to lose your wallet, your soul, your mental health.

1. Admission

1955 $ 1

1965 – $ 4

1975 – $ 6

1985 $ 16.50

1995 $ 33

$ 2005-56

2009-62 $ (3-9) $ 72 (10 +)

Somewhere, the board of directors are running the ass with Benjamin Franklin and nose with William McKinley. He is sick. In a park that has not yet created a new ride that shoots laser or an appearance of Woozles acid trip, there is little welcome to sell a kidney or something to turn right to enter the accursed place.

2. People Pigs Wheelchair

My mother has rheumatoid arthritis. She turns 60 next year. She deserves a fucking chair or scooter wheels automatically. I'm not even objections to the price. If $ 40 means that a woman can walk in the park freely, without pain, is money well spent. That is, if you can get to the park early enough to hang a chair or a scooter before the armies of lazy people manage to roll the fat ass out of bed.

But what care Disneyland? I've seen them give their scooters last a woman 400 pounds, which actually can walk, because I was in line before an old man with a cane. Why do not you need a disability plate or card identity is beyond me. But if I see another family of four people on motorcycles, the ass is dimpled agents can come online faster everyone in Indiana Jones, I'll throw in the rivers of America, happy to see them drown.

3. Streetcar "Drivers"

"Welcome to Disneyland. We ask that you keep your hands and arms inside the tram at any time. This includes the toes and fingers. This includes toenails and fingernails. This includes your eyelashes and nose hairs. Please Collapse all strollers. Please do not have children in your lap unless you are under 10 years. Disneyland is open until midnight tonight. While you're here, you can see the new parade on Main Street.

When leaving the tram, please make sure bring your belongings with you. If you lose a point where the tram is in motion, raise your hand to stop the trolley driver so you can retrieve your item. Leaving the tram, make sure you exit to the right and see his head. Again, we thank you for visiting Disneyland today. We hope you enjoy your stay with us today and if there is anything you need, just ask a person to park or a report at the Disneyland City Hall … "

4. Endless Crowd

Mmm … Aaahhh … take a breath of Greater Grande. * Deep breath * You know what that smell is? The lack of deodorant.

Between 50,000 and 80,000 People can enter the park. When Fire Chief is a day off, maybe 100,000. Half of these people have no idea where they are going or coming, they want to go.

It is they who are the starting and stopping abruptly in the middle of trails to explore outside of your card.

It is they who always get a ride.

They are the ones that take forever to go for a walk.

They are the ones who cut in front of you online.

However, my favorite, those that arise mass of 20 to join a friend she had a place in line. Just when you think that you are about to get a bus full of people jumping together in front of you and you is stuck waiting another 15 minutes for a shit "five minutes.

And this is called having a good time.

5. The Derby Stroller Moms

The only why not a number, I am designing this list during the day. Otherwise, this is my number one, Alpha Omega, scarecrow this damn place. Strollers winning line of standards as the gateway to the Kentucky Derby.

10am: Doors open and ready!

Mothers with their children 50 children who knock out of the way they make a mad dash for the tours.

No matter if there are 100 people ahead of you. These wheels cons Bang heels and ankles without rest until you go … everything for them you can get more space. At the end of the day, your legs are black and blue, or the stroller or the baby Rosemary kicking him with their shoes Nemo. Your day is dominated by the "Clan mothers anger" at the time of his arrival in the parking structure when to return to his car.

Pigs, trams. Pigs to the bathroom. They refuse to clean up after their children. Stuck Cleaning urinating because Mama Suzie I was too busy adjusting her costume Belle notice.

Pigs to the tables in restaurants and cafes. Mom is sitting on your ass a table for five and out of his bag of 10 gallons to the mother at the other table, where a stroller seats five children to another.

No matter how it glow. She does not move. Your day is excluded – not in ruins – the legions of mothers and their victory on welfare, I'm sorry, improving the lives of children.

Therefore, sucking and make a weekday.

6. The Price of Food

There's a reason people in the food before Disneyland.

With the exception of one corner of the park, the food is comparable to the samples at Costco – but Costco is free. The food is worth eating at Disneyland is located in one place: New Orleans Square.

Land border has a more cooked Mexican food.

Adventure Land is perhaps one of the attractive elements in the form of Bengal Barbecue – Chicken is really good. Otherwise, I would be happy to eat the Jungle Cruise kind of life every day of the week.

Land Shack fantasy Geppetto, who has not changed the menu 10 million hamburgers, pizza slices and a bottle $ 10 to $ 8 for 15 years.

Earth Tomorrow has a building entirely devoted to the greasy pizza, pasta salad soggy and wilting. If you decide to brave the burger, you can pay $ 35 for lunch for two people. And they do not include drinks.

Main Street is good for pastry and ice cream.

You have to prove to me that the chicken is farm, are 100% Angus burgers and lettuce grown in the garden of God. Otherwise, I am New Orleans Square parking and happily pay through the nose a bowl of soup of bread, a plate of chorizo and the best coffee this side of Anaheim.

7. The attitudes of employees

This is not a easy task, working at Disneyland. You have to try really angry, rude, impatient, smells believe it is their job to eat their shit.

However, this no right to hit people with his bat bright when you're not moving fast enough, a parade of the case. The best time to go to the games is to fireworks and parades. You know – that's why you're running through the park's Splash Mountain Space Mountain. Try explaining that an employee of the park, believes holding the scepter of God as you have – No, push – along the parade route.

"But I do not want to see the freaking parade. I try to cross the park. "

"I do not like, man, it's hot!"

This is not your fault if Octomom decided to stop in front of you, just because your 10 children no longer want to walk. Try to move, but worry not Trigger Happy Trent. He stood for nine hours without a meal, baking in the heat of 90 degrees and is tired. So guess what? You are dropped, the lava lamp.

Get over it.

8. Waiting in line

The FastPass is a good idea for about five minutes.

However, the inventor of the FastPass probably never visited the park during peak hours. Sure, you can prance in front of the lines in space mountain, blissfully happy and smiling stone faces of those who were on the grid in the sun for two hours already. But since you can not do that one FastPass at a time, and wait two hours before using, what exactly are you doing with yourself until Climb aboard the train Big Thunder?

Exactly.

Spend your time doing what everyone does: the queue. We have to deal with tourists insistent that they think will get ahead of you touch the back once too often.

Although America. We travel to people simply because they do not want to deal with them. Not this American. I refuse to move. This is my fucking place and I refuse to give it to someone who thinks they're better than me. We're all going to roast in the heat of the sun, man, calm the hell down.

If the practice is a model, you – you guessed it – WALK pounding away on his heels. Chances are, Mom was instructed his eldest son (age 7) and like "executive."

If this does not bother, you may be with a group of people who do not believe in deodorants or soaps. Thus, while his ankles and legs are banged up, the nostrils are achieved simultaneously. You concentrate on breathing through the mouth and taking breaths ice in his drink.

When you reach the front of the line, your skin is red and scaly, you have a headache and legs are black and blue.

Fun?

9. Closed Racing

I do not know about you, but there are just three walks I want to go to Disneyland.

1. Space Mountain
2. Big Thunder Mountain
3. Pirates of the Caribbean

That's all I care. Otherwise, I spend my time watching the parents see adolescents who watch watching the girls, who are supervised by their mothers, who are fully aware that their husbands have mental relations.

So when I get to the park, I Dance made my trip. I've said my prayers. I fasted for two weeks. I went without sex and other vices, all in the name of pleasing the gods and hoping and praying that my three rides are open and no no … CLOSED.

At this point, which could well leave the park. But since I already gave him the equivalent park half of my salary, plus income, which could well stay and give my car payment, too.

Time at the forefront of the lines.

10. Obsolete Racing

At some point, Disneyland must evolve and embrace the trend that has saved Knotts, Six Flags of Extinction: The Kid Zone.

Knotts Camp Snoopy and an error of Magic World Mountain ha.

Disneyland … Toon Town.

It's like an acid trip of a comic book which no escape.However, not just walking. He can be of two towers and the rest are accessories giant rabbit that my 8 years old, had not deigned to pee on.

Disneyland has to accept that even if your target audience is children, these children are not self-directed to the park. Children do not have the money to pay the ticket, pay for food, pay for toys to be played once, to pay for the shirts, pay for the photos, pay … means the idea.

Children can be the customer, but the adult is the buyer. And until they create some of the parks is strictly for children and children can RETAINER, trips to Disneyland Dad and Mom still result blow fuse is a whore. And those of us without children will have to put up with all of you.

11. Bilingual Ads

It's a small world has its charm, but old-fashioned (and in fact extremely racist).

Global unity message is good and I give my full support. However, messages broadcast by the speaker on the roundabouts are strange, bordering ridiculous. It's a small world offers more than 20 different languages and representing almost every country in the world. Why is that safety and precaution Snow White message is only in English, Spanish and French? Why not Persian, Hindi, German and Tagalog?

Why stop there? Recognize the fact that half of the tourists at Disneyland are Asian. We will include Japanese, Chinese, Taiwanese and Korean and Vietnamese. Security must become as common as, well, common sense. If the vehicle is in motion, you sit. But since the world is full of people head hollow, we must think for themselves and think they will need relevant information … as the number of 911.

12. The main street parade

I, like most people my age or older, have grown up with this parade. My mother has the same music on vinyl. Millions of people have visited the park, just to see this parade.

So this is really not surprising that he moved to California "Blade" Adventure. So do not just give kidney, liver and spleen but also, just to see the parade in all its splendor Duracell-mounted.

California Adventure has certainly increased California. In fact, I love this trip. But anyone with a budget and both eyes can see the only reason the parade was moved if the powers could extract only that much money for the people.

Leeches. It is what they are. I say that some catches flamethrower and torches and storm the castle.

Who is with href = "http://www.ranker.com/litgoddess'> me?

About the Author

Sonja Holbrook is a regular blogger and contributor to Ranker.com, a community built around the idea of people making their own funny, useful and informative lists then sharing them with the world. She often writes lists about dating men, life, and work.

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